Definitely NOT Regretting Having Another Kid...
A little while back (while I was still pregnant) I shared a post about some feelings of guilt that I was experiencing about having another kid.
Well, here's the follow up...
Having a second child completely changed everything about pretty much everything.
My life as I knew it, was over.
It was very, very difficult for me to say goodbye and close the previous chapter of my life.
Maybe some of you can relate, maybe none of you can relate.
But the day before Malachi was born, I had the most majorist, most massivist, most ridiculous emotional melt down I have had in the looonnngggeeesssttttt time.
My heart hurt and I wanted to cling to the life that I knew.
I was terrified that a newborn would throw everything out of whack and I was absolutely TERRIFIED of postpartum depression.
Guys. I have anxiety. My mind goes to bizarre and dangerous places when I'm emotional and at the time I was like, a hot freaking mess.
I was thinking all sorts of crazy thoughts and feeling all sorts of yucky things.
It was not super duper pleasant.
Then Malachi came.
It has been hard.
That, I can not deny.
The first week and a half of his life, I was NOT a good mom.
I had very little patience and compassion for my daughter, and life was not fun for either one of us.
Have I mentioned before that our children's behavior is a direct reflection of our own?
Well, I quickly (re)learned that if I just slap a smile on my face, use a kind tone of voice, and offer constant positive reinforcements- then I get that same behavior in return from Milani.
I would be lying if there weren't a couple of days the passed couple of weeks where I have ended the day in tears, on my knees praying for forgiveness for completely failing as a mom that day.
Those days are really, really hard.
But there have also been some really, really beautiful and adorable moments that I have shared with both of my children.
As well as beautiful moments that I have witnessed between the two of them.
Milani is such a sweet, loving, and nurturing big sister.
You would not even believe it.
She is OBSESSED with her baby brother!
And I don't know why, but this time around with a newborn has been A LOT easier than the first round!
Let me tell ya!
I remember the terror of bringing home that ity bity baby and thinking "how do I even keep this thing alive!?"
Every time she cried my stomach was in KNOTS and I was just PANICING trying to figure out what was potentially killing my child from the inside!
I was a nervous wreck as a new parent.
An absolute wreck.
This time has been a lot more chill!
Malachi cries, and my stomach doesn't immediately tie up in knots.
He breaks out in the newborn rash and I don't immediately freak out.
I can better recognize why he might be screaming, and what to do about it.
This ain't my first rodeo folks!
I know I'm not super duper experienced, but man that first kid sure does teach you a lot!
The bottom line is, a lot of my fears were completely in vain.
I had so much anxiety because I remembered how hard it was with my first.
I didn't realize that I had learned so much that I would be applying to my second, and therefore making my life a whole lot less terrifying.
Yes, letting go of the last beautiful chapter of my life was hard and tears were shed.
But I look forward to a whole new beautiful chapter!
And oh my heck do I love my little guy so much!!!!!!
Well, here's the follow up...
Having a second child completely changed everything about pretty much everything.
My life as I knew it, was over.
It was very, very difficult for me to say goodbye and close the previous chapter of my life.
Maybe some of you can relate, maybe none of you can relate.
But the day before Malachi was born, I had the most majorist, most massivist, most ridiculous emotional melt down I have had in the looonnngggeeesssttttt time.
My heart hurt and I wanted to cling to the life that I knew.
I was terrified that a newborn would throw everything out of whack and I was absolutely TERRIFIED of postpartum depression.
Guys. I have anxiety. My mind goes to bizarre and dangerous places when I'm emotional and at the time I was like, a hot freaking mess.
I was thinking all sorts of crazy thoughts and feeling all sorts of yucky things.
It was not super duper pleasant.
Then Malachi came.
It has been hard.
That, I can not deny.
The first week and a half of his life, I was NOT a good mom.
I had very little patience and compassion for my daughter, and life was not fun for either one of us.
Have I mentioned before that our children's behavior is a direct reflection of our own?
Well, I quickly (re)learned that if I just slap a smile on my face, use a kind tone of voice, and offer constant positive reinforcements- then I get that same behavior in return from Milani.
I would be lying if there weren't a couple of days the passed couple of weeks where I have ended the day in tears, on my knees praying for forgiveness for completely failing as a mom that day.
Those days are really, really hard.
But there have also been some really, really beautiful and adorable moments that I have shared with both of my children.
As well as beautiful moments that I have witnessed between the two of them.
Milani is such a sweet, loving, and nurturing big sister.
You would not even believe it.
She is OBSESSED with her baby brother!
And I don't know why, but this time around with a newborn has been A LOT easier than the first round!
Let me tell ya!
I remember the terror of bringing home that ity bity baby and thinking "how do I even keep this thing alive!?"
Every time she cried my stomach was in KNOTS and I was just PANICING trying to figure out what was potentially killing my child from the inside!
I was a nervous wreck as a new parent.
An absolute wreck.
This time has been a lot more chill!
Malachi cries, and my stomach doesn't immediately tie up in knots.
He breaks out in the newborn rash and I don't immediately freak out.
I can better recognize why he might be screaming, and what to do about it.
This ain't my first rodeo folks!
I know I'm not super duper experienced, but man that first kid sure does teach you a lot!
The bottom line is, a lot of my fears were completely in vain.
I had so much anxiety because I remembered how hard it was with my first.
I didn't realize that I had learned so much that I would be applying to my second, and therefore making my life a whole lot less terrifying.
Yes, letting go of the last beautiful chapter of my life was hard and tears were shed.
But I look forward to a whole new beautiful chapter!
And oh my heck do I love my little guy so much!!!!!!
