Marriage Doesn't Always Start Out Great

My husband and I have always struggled.

Always.

Even when we were dating.

Many people would consider that a "red flag"

I'm here to tell you that that's not the case.

I have seen couples who dated for many, many years before getting married, and hadn't hit a serious rough patch in their relationship until being married for nearly a decade... 

Or other couples who lived together before getting married for several years and then hit a rough patch after having kids...

I would say that every marriage has struggles.

I could be wrong... but that's my perspective and I'm ok with it.

Not every marriage starts out great!

And not every marriage is guaranteed perfect happiness all the way through either.

Your first years do NOT need to be your best years of marriage!!!

And if you're a newlywed and you are struggling, then I would definitely NOT freak out about it!

I had SOOOO many people tell me "The first years are the hardest"

But then I would see all of these other gross newlyweds just totally clinging to each other constantly everywhere they went as if the earth was about to part from beneath them.

My husband and I were never really like that.

We definitely had our honeymoon phase but I would not compare it to other gross and obsessed newlyweds.

(I'm using the word gross because I am uncomfortable with PDA. haha.

Don't be offended if you have no care in the world about PDA!

We are just different!)

If you are struggling to find happiness in your new marriage, take heart!

This is just the beginning!

And if you are both fully committed to one another, and to making it work- then you will!

It's that simple!

I'm not much of a believer in "irreconcilable differences".

You both have to be willing to make changes in order for the marriage to not just "work", but to be amazing!

We live in a silly day and age where there is a sense of entitlement, and the concept of changing one's self for the sake of someone else, or heaven forbid- a marriage, is considered utterly ridiculous.

If you don't value marriage as much as it deserves to be valued, and you shrug at the idea of divorce, then go ahead and keep that mindset.

But if you value marriage above everything else in your life, then get ready to make some changes in yourself.

There are some realistic as well as unrealistic "changes" that should or should not be made in marriage.

For instance a realistic, and "good" change to make would be to let down your pride! Humble  yourself and be willing to compromise!

An unrealistic change would be to change who you are, or your personality.

We can only "demand" changes from our partner that will edify OUR relationship.

My husband is an EXTREMELY friendly person.

If I were insanely jealous, I might want him to not be friendly to other women.

That would be an unfair or unrealistic change for me to ask of him, as it is a major part of who he is.

On the other hand, whenever things get tough, I have a tendency to think that the end is near.

The end of our marriage, the end of our money, the end of the world, etc. etc.

It is fair and realistic for my husband to ask that I remember that our marriage is mostly great and that one tough thing is not the end!

My negative mindset has proven to be destructive to our relationship in some ways, and therefore it would edify and build up our marriage if I were to work on that.

And be honest!

If your partner is asking something of you that you feel is unfair, then be open about it!

The important thing to remember here is that a simple compromise can go a LOOONNNGGG way in marriage.

In fact, just simply learning to compromise at all could be just the thing to save a marriage all together.

Be willing and ready to bend.

Sometimes you will bend more than your partner, and other times your partner more than you.

That's just how it works.

And don't get caught up on who is doing the most "bending" in the relationship!

Just focus on doing YOUR PART, and then love your spouse FIERCELY.

If your partner is working at it, the pace does not need to exactly "match" your own as long as you are both moving in a positive direction.

Then as the years pass, you will find your marriage becoming happier and happier and more and more loving.

My husband and I struggled for the first 2.5 years of our marriage.

Then our third year of marriage we became all gross and obsessed like the newlyweds that make me cringe. (just not in public because that makes me too anxious. haha)

Now I would say we are in a pretty solid place.

And maybe I should knock on wood...

Don't give up hope simply because the first couple of years of marriage have been a drag.

Therapy is a great thing, and I recommend it to everybody.

Sometimes it takes somebody other than your partner to tell you that you have to work on something for you to really take it seriously.

We all have "red flags" and destructive habits.

Some more than others.

But as long as you and your partner are moving forward, that's all that counts.

Hunkering down and weathering the storm with as much patience and determination as you can muster will be the key to making it through the rough patch(es)!

Not every marriage starts out great.

And that's ok!